My passion and livelihood are intertwined into this initiative – and yet, I often don’t feel that I understand it or know how to bring it into the world. The old ways I knew how to create something successful do not work here. I set off to do what I knew with the people I knew, but instead I was taken underground into a re-birthing process. I’m still learning how to operate in a completely different way.
While I have a Knowing that there is a force much greater than myself guiding this movement forward, there are still parts of me hanging on tightly and trying to direct how it unfolds. I often get caught in a cycle when I feel that people don’t appreciate or ‘get’ what I’m doing. I spiral each time someone leaves the community or complains about something I have worked hard on. This triggers my fears of rejection and failure. So I try to do more to prove mine and WisdomWomen’s value. I try to produce things so people can see it, get it, engage with it. I do things both overtly and energetically to try and get people to stay – pushing, pulling, and holding. I try to move things along faster than they want to go. Ultimately, these patterns only lead me back to the same place I was trying to avoid because leading from fear does not win acceptance and success. Instead I become exhausted, resentful and anxious.
In my most recent breakdown, I was shown an alternative – to embody the Sacred Feminine in ways that I have understood only in theory. The Feminine works through the Mystery and in underground ways. She is the roots, the soil, the womb, the lava – everything that creates and sustains Life on Earth. This all happens without us being able to see, understand or coerce it.
I Know that the Sacred Feminine is guiding WisdomWomen and that She lives within each of us. So much of my process in birthing WisdomWomen has been and continues to be ‘underground’. I have worried that this unseen work is not valuable to others, and so I de-valued Her by trying to force it, figure it out, or make it happen the way I think it should. I have jumped through hoops to satisfy people with tangible things like money, titles, a platform to use, activities and offerings – thinking these are the only ways people will be part of this movement.
I am getting on a visceral level that there is an alternative. I am getting that the value of WisdomWomen is in being part of a FIELD. It is being inside a conscious container of possibility. It is unseen, but it is real.
All of the inner work, shadow work, re-birthing, relational care that I have focused on while birthing WisdomWomen, has been the cultivation of this container. The deep devotion and commitment that I and other women in this community hold, are embedded into its foundation.
I am clearer that I am inviting women to invest their money into community and being part of a field of consciousness. I believe that when we are committed, we will receive exactly what we need by being here.
The fascinating thing is that as these truths are becoming more embodied in myself, more women have left. While this initially spun me out and was part of the breakdown, I realize this happening was a necessary part of my shadow and growth process.
I also believe that the clearer this container becomes, the less some people will want to be part of it (for good reason – this stuff is not for everyone). At the same time, we will likely draw in more women who are aligned with this vision and way of bringing it to life.
Additionally, when we put out our big offering of monthly Visionary Councils, some women left. I was surprised, but it proved to me that putting out offerings is not what everyone wants in their busy lives. Sometimes just being part of a field and contributing in whatever ways we can, is enough. That being said, our offerings will be even that much more integrated and impactful because of the rich soil they are growing from.
I received affirmation about all of this from some of our members recently who wrote to me at the same time that others were leaving.
“I have searched for years for a group as supportive, connected, insightful, intuitive, and nurturing as WW. I have loved the journey and made life long friends along the way, but had never found a container that held everyone, encouraged growth and continued true connection.”
“To have the support of the framework of “Wisdom Women” and all that Michelle is putting into place, and then all of the actual Women and the Spirit behind it – it is different than anything I have felt before. And I have been involved with some incredible Sisterhoods, and movements. There is clearly, very clearly something really different here. The vibe in incredible.”
Through all this, I have received clarity to engage more with the community about what is happening in the ‘unseen’ layers of WisdomWomen. I am learning and experiencing so much that I want to share with you, and I want to connect with your experiences and insights. I may start experimenting with regular vlogs – stay tuned.
Thank you again for all the ways you are contributing to WisdomWomen and quite honestly, to my own process of embodying a new way of leadership.